I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
