just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
