i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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