he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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