Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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