she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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