he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
