is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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