Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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