I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wear drunk well.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize