sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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