Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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