can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
