dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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