i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
