After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
