uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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