Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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