I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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