You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize