so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
