Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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