oh god the rape fog is back!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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