I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
