someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
