I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
