You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
