Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
