Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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