Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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