I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
