i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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