i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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