I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
