Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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