you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
