i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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