No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
