if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
