This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
