his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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