So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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