thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
