grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
