I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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