we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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