When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
