she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
