Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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