someone get that fucking seahorse.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize