I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
