It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
