I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
