At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
