3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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