does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
