he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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