I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
