Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
