I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
