YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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