Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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