Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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