if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm bleeding and have questions
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
