Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So apparently I’m into choking now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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