is your mom at the bar?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
