She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
