I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
