My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
