I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
