is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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