i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
