I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize