dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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