For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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