OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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