I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
