so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
