Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
