Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
