he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
