ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
