Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
