I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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