you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
