i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
