This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
