just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
