It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hippo gnu deer
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
