I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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