just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
