well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
