I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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