i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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