i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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