Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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