We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
