Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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