To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
