From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Don't EVER smell your tampon
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize