Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
