Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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