My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize