I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
